Wow what a powerful piece of writing. I have been torn because a lot about what I have been writing about in my journal is personal, and yet you sharing your story was amazing. The only thing I would suggest is if you publish this piece is to add more description of your feelings. That must had been a bit of a shock. I am wondering if you found another way to connect with your dad even though you don't have a home to visit.
I also felt the power of this piece! Thank you for sharing with us. It was such a great story, but I felt I wanted to know more about your thoughts during this time and how your father is doing now. I would maybe slow down the third page to really add more details.
Thank you for sharing this story, Jennifer - it is so incredibly powerful. I imagine that wasn't easy to write. You did a beautiful job on the whole story, but what really struck me was right from the beginning, the combination of the title and the first line - they are so powerful that even though its not yet clear what the story is about, it is clear that it is deep and profound. I also wonder how your father is doing now and what has happened since? Did you want to not include that and let the feelings resound as is? I guess my only suggestion would be to maybe include some memories of when it felt like your father was perfect, in order to sort of demonstrate the shock and contrast....thank you!!
Jennifer, this is a cliffhanger!! It makes me what to read what happened next! As reading through your writing, I am think the word, "No," plays an important role in this piece of writing, and I do enjoy reading the rhythm in your second paragraph. I wonder if you are going to talk more about the reasons of "No." Also, I think maybe it would be interesting to write another version of this writing but write in your father's perspective. It would be very interesting to juxtapose both versions to see different points of view!
Wow what a powerful piece of writing. I have been torn because a lot about what I have been writing about in my journal is personal, and yet you sharing your story was amazing. The only thing I would suggest is if you publish this piece is to add more description of your feelings. That must had been a bit of a shock. I am wondering if you found another way to connect with your dad even though you don't have a home to visit.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I liked your title. It caught my attention right away and I felt that I made a connection to your writing just from the title.
ReplyDeleteI also felt the power of this piece! Thank you for sharing with us. It was such a great story, but I felt I wanted to know more about your thoughts during this time and how your father is doing now. I would maybe slow down the third page to really add more details.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this story, Jennifer - it is so incredibly powerful. I imagine that wasn't easy to write. You did a beautiful job on the whole story, but what really struck me was right from the beginning, the combination of the title and the first line - they are so powerful that even though its not yet clear what the story is about, it is clear that it is deep and profound. I also wonder how your father is doing now and what has happened since? Did you want to not include that and let the feelings resound as is? I guess my only suggestion would be to maybe include some memories of when it felt like your father was perfect, in order to sort of demonstrate the shock and contrast....thank you!!
ReplyDeleteJennifer, this is a cliffhanger!! It makes me what to read what happened next! As reading through your writing, I am think the word, "No," plays an important role in this piece of writing, and I do enjoy reading the rhythm in your second paragraph. I wonder if you are going to talk more about the reasons of "No." Also, I think maybe it would be interesting to write another version of this writing but write in your father's perspective. It would be very interesting to juxtapose both versions to see different points of view!
ReplyDeleteYing! I love that idea so much!! I think I'm going to try that! Thank you all for the help. It really is getting me to think deeper about my writing!
ReplyDelete