I enjoyed reading about your special day. I like how you only focused on that one part of your day. It really encompasses what you were thinking about. It would be nice to have a few more emotions it your story. This would allow your reader to step into your shoes and feel those nerves along with you. Some examples may be: were your hands shaking, how did it feel waiting so long, or as you saw your husband how did you feel. Your questions throughout the story really add character. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you for sharing such a great piece!! I agree with Allison - the questions you included were a really great part of the story and I think they really bring the reader into your thoughts and help to emotionally invest in the story!! I wonder if you could include a few more descriptive words explaining your feelings? Beautiful story - I love how towards the end you show resolution with saying how it is what you want!! Happy Anniversary!!! :)
Thank your for sharing this wonderful moment! I really like the repetition in your writing no matter whether it is the heartbeat ("thump, thump, thump") and your breathe or the "step" and questions you insert, they really reinforce the emotion. I am thinking maybe using some figurative language, such as metaphor and simile, to describe longest aisle you walked or the fastest the heart pounding you have ever had. Something like that! Happy Anniversary!
I like how well you describe that feeling of being nervous and I sense excitement at the same time. Adding a bit more in describing the setting might help the reader to picture themselves next to you as you get ready to walk down the aisle. Great job!
I enjoyed reading about your special day. I like how you only focused on that one part of your day. It really encompasses what you were thinking about. It would be nice to have a few more emotions it your story. This would allow your reader to step into your shoes and feel those nerves along with you. Some examples may be: were your hands shaking, how did it feel waiting so long, or as you saw your husband how did you feel. Your questions throughout the story really add character. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing such a great piece!! I agree with Allison - the questions you included were a really great part of the story and I think they really bring the reader into your thoughts and help to emotionally invest in the story!! I wonder if you could include a few more descriptive words explaining your feelings? Beautiful story - I love how towards the end you show resolution with saying how it is what you want!! Happy Anniversary!!! :)
ReplyDeleteThank your for sharing this wonderful moment! I really like the repetition in your writing no matter whether it is the heartbeat ("thump, thump, thump") and your breathe or the "step" and questions you insert, they really reinforce the emotion. I am thinking maybe using some figurative language, such as metaphor and simile, to describe longest aisle you walked or the fastest the heart pounding you have ever had. Something like that! Happy Anniversary!
ReplyDeleteI like how well you describe that feeling of being nervous and I sense excitement at the same time. Adding a bit more in describing the setting might help the reader to picture themselves next to you as you get ready to walk down the aisle. Great job!
ReplyDelete